Zerods Workshop

I wish I was the Lieutenant-Governor

You probably all heard that our favorite Prime Minister of all time, Stephen Harper, is holding all parliamaent work for 2 months so the dust of his almighty blunder in Coppenhagen can rest down and we forget about how incompetent he was.

Fat Chance.

The opposition is screaming with foam coming out of their mouth, the public is seriously pondering why the hell is he doing that and quite frankly, that will not help him get his re-election sometime around the next time the opposition says he falls.

But to do that kind of sneaky move, Harper needed only to call the Lieutenant-Governor, the queen representative, Michael Jean or the better said “Why the hell is that person being there?”. Seems she has that kind of power to grant such halts. Sucks for us, she’s the equivalent of Sarah Palin in the land of the north.

Here how the phone call probably went:

Stephen: Hey Michael, how are you doing, your pretty pretty thing?

Michael: Aww, you’re such a charmer Stephy, what can I do for you today?

Stephen: Well, I need to hold parliament for a while so we can all relax and have long vacation, Copenhagen has not been easy and all.

Michael: Oh, you poor poor thing, how much time you need to rest?

Stephen: About two months, and not just us, everybody inside the building is on a big vacation!

Michael: Woohee, you got my okay for that! Have a great vacation Stephy!

As you can see… That’s basicly what happened, well, I hope it was that stupid. She was never really reputed for being smart. But here’s the thing… What would happen if I would be in Michael’s shoes? (I’d rather wear my shoes but for this, I’m ready to make an exception)

Stephen: Hey Michael, how are you doing, your pretty pretty thing?

Me: Alright, cut the chase Stephen, what do you want?

Stephen: Well, I need to hold parliament for a while so we can all relax and have long vacation, Copenhagen has not been easy and all.

Me: Wait… What!? Ok, I’m sorry, but I can’t do that just because you litterally fucked up this one Stephen, even if I pity you, that’s going over the limit. You pulled the first one and I gave you the benefit of the doubt but really? Twice? Seriously, what’s with you?

Stephen: Oh look, I just need time so the dust gets down, it’s not easy running this country with everybody on your throat…

Me: RUN!? Don’t make me laugh Stephen, all you did is make ridiculous laws and stall the country to an halt, being close of the majority does not mean you can pass the laws you want. And now that you crash and burnt in Copenhagen, you want to cover your sorry ass just to get out? Oh come on, are you a man or a pussy? Because right now, that dick move of yours will only lead to more frustration.

Tell you what, I won’t lend you some extra time so you can build some campaign so your party can smear some politician into donkey crap while you take care of saving your train wreck of a party from eviction of the parliament. Assume your responsibility like a man and like everybody else here. The sponsorship scandal? Never heard somebody hold parliament for that, they took the blow and they went along.

Stephen: So it’s a no.

Me: Cant’s hide it, can I?

****

But this, I’d rather say, most people with a brain would say about the same, probably in different words, probably more or less offensive, but it’s there.

I wish I was the Lieutenant-Governor…

11 years ago, I became the hero of Hyrule.

For the Kotaku.com Christmas Contest, contestant were asked to tell how much they were a big fan of Zelda. This brought so much memory I had to participate. And this is the answer I gave them

The Legend of Zelda has been the start of what I would call a love story with the medieval genre. When I actually first went to swing a sword, it was along with my good old pal Link, which I used to call Zelda when I was young.

The incredible feeling of saving the world and to slay any who would come to my path with my sword and shield was unique and endearing. I felt that this game was made for me. Young, I would often say to my mother that I saved the world from an evil pig man, she would laugh as I would be heroically be going away, holding a baking sheet in one hand to fake a shield and some carton roll in the other for my sword.

Then came Christmas 1998 when I opened a gift from my mother. I was expecting Diddy Kong Racing but when I opened it, I noticed an arrow, then a bow, suddenly, I knew the lad clad in Green on the cover.

I had one of the most coveted games of that time for Christmas and I was overjoyed. I started playing this game right away, that day,  I started to sleep for the first time at two o’clock in front of my television while entering the sacred Deku Tree… It was the start of a great adventure that would not only define that I would delve into the world of Tolkien and Dungeon Dragon.

The adventure I played with Link, at that time, was an adventure of mine. Being so involved that I wouldn’t think of anything else outside of the game but to teach Ganondorf a lesson, to be affraid of venturing into the Kakariko Village graveyard in fear that a Redead, those screaming and flesh eating zombie, would be around the corner, or the Poe that came out of nowhere attacking me that I would have a hard time to sleep.

I overcame those fears and understood that I had a job to do and that job was to save Hyrule from the clutches of evil.

As the adventure came to an end, I wanted to save other worlds, to be part of another adventure. I was feeling as if I was now a seasoned adventurer ready to confront any evil on any front. And so forth, I started playing LARPS, Dungeons and Dragons, reading books about great adventures.

The Legend of Zelda not only defined me as a geek but made me dream of incredible tales, that whenever I was a kid and I told my mother of the wonderful things I did, helping the mighty Gorons or unfreezing the Zoras from a certain doom, she was proud of me living adventures and rewarding me with a cookie.

We are doomed

Lately, around the world, there’s a pandemic scurying the globe for fresh meat and that utterly destroy lives as it sweeps the poor unsuspecting population. As you might have all guessed, I’m talking about fear mongering. Everybody can be a potential victim of this dreadful disease and the transmission method is via standard and new media. Anybody who watches television, read newspapers, go to the Internet or simply use the people’s voice, Facebook, are exposed to fear mongering.

In a rare attempt to smash onto political media attention on the current event transpiring in Canada, I chose to criticize how the information is spread about diseases and how the media choose to spread fear and disinformation over ways to protect themselves and not to panic because it’s just one disease. It’s not as if a giant meteor was headed to Earth and there was no way, even with Bruce Willis in a space shuttle, to stop the thing from falling on that. THAT would be a neat way to say: "If you can panic or do something eratical and stupid, do it now."

Instead, whenever there is a way to give a little scare to viewers, it seems media will push on it as if it was the damned meteor. The Mad Cow disease, listeriose, Avian Flu and now the dreaded Swine Flu are all epidemics that scurried through the media networks as if the reaper itself would show up at your door and take away your life, no question asked. Whilst I agree we shouldn’t take those thing lightly, spreading fear, chaos, ignorance around the people, telling them to get shots when they can’t, to show that the government seem to not give a damn about the situation and basicly spreading the kind of message "We’re fucked, there’s no hope" around. A little thought goes through my head while pondering on that.

It sells to show people being afraid, scaring people and most probably bringing chaos and use our paying hotline to give us your thought about the problem. I see where it goes. Money. Cold hard cash is generated from scaring people. A truly dispicable method of doing cash. I do not target a particular network, but some covers much less the swine flu than others. Some don’t give the false idea that the swine flu is the new plague. Some show scientists hard at work to make a difference in the battle and not some live expert paid to say that we’re proper fucked.

Media, as it is and will most certainly be, a place where money needs to be made and information will go to a second plan. Convergeance of telcos to use their solution to keep you posted on the new outbreaks of a enforced regular flu will generate millions as you will be giving them money to give you scary news about a not so dangerous situation. They’ll be counting the dollar bills while you will be counting your days t’il the swinepocalypse.

And basicly, that’s why I’m not watching TV anymore and seek my own information. I’m tired to be afraid.